Nice Guy Syndrome and the Friend Zone
I’m pretty sure everyone knows at least one “Nice Guy”. You know, those guys who think women only want to date assholes and just want be friends with the nice guys. These guys are plagued with what we call Nice Guy Syndrome.
Jeff Fecke of Shakesville.com explained Nice Guy Syndrome well here:
A Nice Guy® is a guy who tells you, in a bitter, resentful tone, that women don’t date “nice guys,” they only date “bad boys,” and because he’s “too nice,” women only view him as a friend.
Um… that doesn’t sound very nice.
One big thing I hate about Nice Guys is their implication that women who don’t want to date them, for whatever reason, are bitches, sluts, ugly, or whatever other nasty insult they can come up with. But the thing I hate most? The Friend Zone.
The Friend Zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land Nice Guys have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them. They use it as an excuse to ignore the fact that there are Actual Reasons behind their decision to not pursue a relationship or have sex with this guy. You know, like not being physically attracted to them. Or not being able to connect with them. Or seeing through their crap and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can get laid.
It’s honestly one of the biggest loads of crap I’ve ever heard. Nice Guys are arrogant, egotistical, selfish douche bags who run around telling the world about how they’re the perfect boyfriend and they’re just so nice. But you know what? If these guys were genuinely nice, they wouldn’t be saying things like “the bitch stuck me in the friend zone because she only likes assholes.” Guess what? If she actually only liked assholes, then she would likely be super attracted to you because you are one.
Honestly. Is it really that unbearable to be friends with a person? Women don’t only exist to date or have sex with you. We are living, thinking creatures who maybe—just maybe—want to date and have sex people we’re attracted to. And that doesn’t make any of us bitches. It makes us human.
I feel like Nice Guy Syndrome and the existence of the Friend Zone really exploded in 2005 when the movie Just Friends came out. The main character, portrayed by Ryan Reynolds, was always just a friend to the love of his life… until, of course, the end, when she magically fell in love with him.
Movies like this are really kind of poisonous. It puts the idea into people’s heads that if they wait out the Friend Zone, the woman responsible for their distress will just wake up one day and realize they’re in love with them. And they’ll tell themselves (and everyone else) they deserve it, over and over again. But you know what? You don’t deserve the dirt on my shoe if you don’t treat me with respect. Actual respect, not the kind you feign in an attempt to get me into bed with you.
This is my message to all the Nice Guys out there:
If you call a woman a bitch, a slut, a skank, a whore, ugly, whatever, because she doesn’t want you, you are not nice. If you’re only nice to a woman because you want to be with her, you are not nice. And if you whine about constantly being Friend Zoned, it’s probably because you are not nice. End of story.
Source: Written by Alisse Desrosiers from Feminspire
Everyone, I think you should check out this tumblr, especially if you struggle with self-acceptance. Daniell is a wonderful, kind person with a heart of gold and she’s very inspiring to me.